went to the store with dad today and saw this really cute notebook with stars. couldn't get it tho. i wish i could just buy my own stuff but i don’t really have much saved.
tried drawing last night but i hated everything i made. i can see it in my head but when i draw it it looks wrong. ended up just doodling hearts and eyes all over the page.
had a dream where i dyed my hair pink
school starts in like 2 weeks and idk how i feel. i cut my bangs last night even tho dad told me not to. theyre not terrible but i think i messed them up a lil.
i’ve been listening to that one playlist i made at like 2am last month... mostly soft songs but then theres like some really loud ones just to annoy him.
i keep thinking about how i havent talked to my ex in weeks. maybe its better. maybe not. idk. kinda lonely.
dad took my phone away for 3 days cause i "spent too much time online" (his words). so i just drew in my sketchbook a lot. stars, dresses, some sad stuff too.
tried to bake cookies but i forgot the sugar lmao. they were so bad.
kinda wanna dye my hair but like... i’d probably get grounded forever.
been feeling weird. sometimes i wonder if i actually like girls?? like i think about it sometimes and then i feel guilty cause dad would FREAK.
my room’s a mess rn. glitter everywhere from that scrapbook thing i was doing.
oh and the neighbor’s cat came in again, she’s so cute but she scratched me cause i tried to put a ribbon on her lol.
me and dad had an argument cause i stayed up late again. he says i’m "addicted" but i just like being online when its quiet.
i watched this dumb video of people making tiny food for like an hour and it made me wanna get one of those mini pan sets.
still thinking about HIIIM (ugh). wish i could stop.
i got dumped. i mean i knew it was coming but still. it’s like… when you’re holding something and it’s already cracked but it finally falls apart and you’re just staring at the pieces. he said "it’s just not working" and i wanted to be like "yeah okay whatever" but instead i just… kinda sat there.
i keep thinking about all the times we hung out and i was so careful not to say certain things. like what i really think about stuff. or who i might actually like. it’s exhausting, not even knowing if you like boys or girls or both, and also feeling like you can’t even figure it out without messing everything up.
anyway. dad doesn’t know yet. maybe he won’t even notice. maybe that’s better.
um hi. i don’t even know if i’m doing this right. i’ve never really had a blog before, just random notes in my phone and like… little posts on sites i’m not even supposed to be on.
i’m gonna try to write here every week, maybe? i don’t get a lot of time online unless things are "okay" at home, so we’ll see.
it’s kinda dumb to say "i’m excited" but yeah… i am. i like having my own space somewhere.
even if it’s just me talking into a void.